my psychotic childhood, part 1 of many
So, I was thinking back on all the shows I used to watch as a kid...and, wow, that shit was fucked up. I mean, of course I watched all the old school Nickelodeon stuff: Hey Dude, Salute Your Shorts, Are You Afraid of the Dark?, etc etc. Those were hokey and all, but good, clean fun. But, there were others...oh, were there others.
I sometimes wonder if my mom wasn't raising my sister and I to be drug addicts. Really, trying to explain some of the shit I watched when I was little makes me feel like Example one: Hugga Bunch, the movie. Have you ever WATCHED that shit? What in the world? "Grandma is going in a home kids, because we are too selfish to take care of her! What's that, young one? You try to save grandma by going into a different world by passing through a mirror and there are all these creatures there that just want to hug you? And then you try to use their help to steal young berries from the queen so Grams won't have to be old and a total burden on us? But then you fucking trip like a dumbass and spill all the berries on the ground and ruin them?" This is what happens when people in the '80's get high on crack make a movie. Or when old people get pissed at their kids for putting them in homes. Yep, propaganda.
Example two: Calling all Safety Scouts. No one, and I mean, no one else I have ever talked to has ever heard of this. There aren't even videos on You Tube for god's sake. This is some Canadian program with puppets that teaches kids how to be safe (at home, on the farm, at school). And these puppets are freaky as a castle freak! Seriously, there was this cat who looked like he was completely strung out and he thalked een a rhassssphy voisssse...horrifying. I was actually so scared of him when I was little that I would hide under the covers. There were alway puppets getting hurt, and watching puppets get hurt, well, is a little strange in and of itself. And then there was that damn squirrel who always needed a reminder to be safe. Do you really need a voiceover to remind you not to eat random berries growing on the side of the road or to play with bottles marked poison?! Damn! Natural selection would have gotten that bitch years ago. Oh, and when someone is safe, they get a Safety Scout badge. This is really just setting kids up to expect something they are never going to get. Newsflash: The reward for being safe is getting to FUCKING STAY ALIVE.
And these are just the crazy puppet ones. Don't get me started on David the Gnome, Wee Sing/Sillyville, or Smurfs.
